/u/[deleted]'s posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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I said to my friend, "My dad's a Marine vet and he can kick your dad's ass!"

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I had to bail on dinner with my wife as I had urgent affairs to attend to.

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Growing up Uncle Jack was my role model

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Since my birth was mistaken, I actually have two birthdays, but I wasn't a born-again Christian. NSFW

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I dropped the biggest turd I have ever seen in my entire life!

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"Sweetie, why did you stab your father?" asked the police officer.

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Samuel, you didn't get 4WD, so look here, we smashed into a snowbank!

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I'm not really gay.

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How to kill a joke?

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"He always replies with 'no u'."

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I said to my friend, "My dad's a Marine vet and he can kick your dad's ass!"	0
I had to bail on dinner with my wife as I had urgent affairs to attend to.	0
Growing up Uncle Jack was my role model	0
Since my birth was mistaken, I actually have two birthdays, but I wasn't a born-again Christian. NSFW	0
I dropped the biggest turd I have ever seen in my entire life!	0
"Sweetie, why did you stab your father?" asked the police officer.	0
Samuel, you didn't get 4WD, so look here, we smashed into a snowbank!	0
I'm not really gay.	0
How to kill a joke?	0
"He always replies with 'no u'."	0